Today's page is about projecting your own thoughts and thought processes onto others, and also about unsolicited advice. Society doesn't seem to view that as such a negative anymore. But if something isn't broken and you try to fix it, sooner later you'll cause it to break.
Did your mother try to get you to dress more warmly because she was cold? Do you remember how you laughed at the absurdity? Of all the collective "mother" quirks, that was the one that surely you would never pick up. Too blatantly ridiculous, right? Well, think again, because almost all of society has picked it up, and in a very big way.
We just don't recognize it, because we've put a spin on it. Some people are making millions with it, and others are spending their hard earned $$, ££, and €€ gobbling it up. It's often sold in book format, but you can find it on on the web for free, or, just ask a friend. Or even a perfect stranger. It's often filed under the category of "self-help", but it extends farther. It often goes something like this:
Person A: (says) "I just read this great book about the secret to organizing spaces, and it has changed my life."
Person B: (thinks to self) "That's great for her, but it means nothing to me because I perfectly happy with my current life style." (and responds by saying something innocuous but personally revealing, such as...) "Oh, how wonderful for you, but I don't organize my closets at all."
Person A: (thinks to self) "I wasn't happy living like that, so she must be terribly unhappy..." (then says) "Oh, you need to fix that! Your life will be so much better if you just make a few changes..."
Person B: (says) "But I'm happy this way. It's not something that matters to me." (and thinks to self) "Perhaps I should be more organized..."
Person A: (says) "Oh, but it should matter! (and thinks to self) "I was a mess before, and now I get so much more done." (and says): "You have no idea how much more productive you'll be if you read the book and follow what it says."
Person B: (thinks to self) "I think I get everything done that I need to do, but if A is mentioning it, perhaps people view me as an underachiever, and if that's what people see in me, then maybe I should pay attention. Maybe it's what I am..." (and asks) "Do you see me as an underachiever"?
Person A: (thinks) "I knew it! I was right! This book said it was good for everybody, and it is! If she's asking the question, then it must apply to her..." (and says) "Honey, I know this will help you! It's done me such a world of good! Our running into each other like this was meant to be. It's serendipity! Go buy that book, now!"
Person B: (thinks to self) "Wow. You just never know. All this time I thought I was happy, and now I realize I was just lazy. It's so good to have friends who are open and willing to share their thoughts honestly". (and says) "Thank you SO much! I'm going right over to buy that book now!"
Epilogue (6 months later):
Person A: (says) "Hi there! Good to see you! Did you read the book? Did it change your life?"
Person B: (says) "Oh hi. Yes I did. And forgive me if I seem distracted. I'm very tired right now. I just finished a huge workload, and I'm not half finished with several other projects I have in the works, but, (LOL) my closets are organized!"
Person A: (thinks to self) "Poor thing! I had no idea she suffered from OCD! Funny what you don't see in a person, and I thought I had her pegged..." (and says) "Sweetie, I know just the thing for you! There's this really good book. I haven't read it, but I've heard it's helped so many people just like you........"
And the bottom line is: Some things that appear to be broken to you, aren't. And if you really want to screw them up, then go ahead and try to fix them.
A few of life's truths:
If it's really broken, then absolutely, get the right person to fix it.
You are not always the right person; know when to call a professional.
Some things that seem broken, aren't.
If you try to fix something that isn't broken, sooner or later, you will probably break it.
In nature, when animals are sick, they isolate. This is often to heal; not always to die.
Diagnosis and healing should be handled by people who are trained and qualified.
Like well-meaning mothers, well-meaning people in general often get things absurdly wrong.
Advising a well person as if that person were sick will often result in creating a sick person.
Stay well!
I smiled over your blogpost today. It's so true! It's recognizable, and yet it isn't, and yet it is - aaarghhh.... see what it does? This post has me thinking. And on top of that, I try to remember those lines from 'Lord of the Rings'...
OK, I looked it up. Why did your post make me think of this poem? Now I have even more to puzzle about...
"All that is gold does not glitter,
emptyNot all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
emptyDeep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
emptyA light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
emptyThe crownless again shall be king."
Posted by: Marit | June 18, 2011 at 03:19 AM
PS I copied some 'empty's' with the poems, that aren't supposed to be in there...
Posted by: Marit | June 18, 2011 at 03:21 AM
Marit's just done my head in... I wondered about all those "emptys"!!!
I LOVE what you have written. You make sense and I get it, honest I do. I just wonder what I'd be like if I could afford all the classes I think I'd like to take!! We say that a lot, Nick and I - "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"
I look at all the self-help shite there is around at the moment and I really don't understand what it takes to make people happier these days. Why are we such malcontents? I want to simplify my life, not complicate it more...!
Maybe I should just ask you not to keep writing such thought-provoking posts?! xoxoxo
Posted by: Rosie | June 18, 2011 at 01:13 PM
I came over to visit from FTB. I've just spent the last hour pouring over your blog, time well spent I must stay. I love this post!
Laurie
Posted by: laurie | June 19, 2011 at 08:33 AM